25. Small Victories  

"A Frenchman's self-assurance stems from his belief that he is mentally and physically irresistibly fascinating to both men and women. An Englishman's self-assurance is founded on his being a citizen of the best organized state in the world and on the fact that, as an Englishman, he always knows what to do, and that whatever he does as an Englishman is unquestionably correct. An Italian is self-assured because he is excitable and easily forgets. A Russian is self-assured simply because he knows nothing and does not want to know anything, since he does not believe in the possibility of knowing anything fully."
                                                            Leo Tolstoy   War and Peace

When Tolstoy wrote that in 1865, about the lives of Russians in the years 1810-1815, Americans were far too new and unimportant to merit a distinction in anyone's view. After all, we were then in midst of our own Civil War.

But now, I think, Tolstoy might say an American's self-assurance stems from our 'can do!' attitude, I'm pretty sure. We don't mind failing a few times, we know we'll get it right soon and that our path to our goal gets closer with each small victory.

I don't know what pleased me most today: 1. beginning the actual HSCT process, 2. paying in full without much of a glitch at all in spite of the Russia 'thing' going on, or 3. finding cream for my coffee.  

Went to a different (slightly closer) store today and there, right next to the coffee - voila!  Cream. Imagine. With pictures on the packages and everything. 

It is sometimes the small victories that give us the biggest inner fist-bump. 

In other news. I did, indeed, pay my HSCT bill in full. This is a semi-daunting task because the sum is large and the Russian President is wreaking havoc with the ruble, and the American President (and banks) are all VERY cautious of things just now. 

I am happy to say Putin has saved me $8,000 today due to the fall in the value of the ruble. Still, the cream gave me a bigger smile. 

And today I began HSCT. IV of Solumedrol already flowing within (I probably will not sleep at all tonight). The Solumedrol is a steroid/anti-inflammatory to help ease the pain that will come from boosting my bone marrow to mass produce millions of extra brand new cells over the next 4 days, aided in that task by Neupogen shots (given at 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. - I have no idea why). 

Some report this phase is the most painful, varying from a 1 on pain scale for some to a solid 10+ for others. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but that will not keep me from whining - fair warning. I'm hoping to be closer to 1. I'm a big-boned girl, after all. I'm hoping THIS is where that is a benefit. 

So, all good. I've posted a blow-by-blow on the Russia HSCT forum of FB for those who want to see the gory details of the dreaded HSCT payment day. Yes, I made double advance notifications to all my banks and all my 8 credit card administrators. They all know I'm here, they all know I would use them in high amounts. The cards are at zero balance and have unlimited daily use amounts. So 2 of them declined anyway. Such is life. Always have a plan B in place. Everything went smoothly by comparison with people Dr. Fedorenko told me about and so I counted it a victory, too. 

I can not accurately confirm this:

"A Russian is self-assured simply because he knows nothing and does not want to know anything, since he does not believe in the possibility of knowing anything fully."

But I can pretty well and accurately confirm this:

"A Frenchman's self-assurance stems from his belief that he is mentally and physically irresistibly fascinating to both men and women."

And I'm USA-proud to confirm that a 'can do' attitude gets the job done in the end.